Chapter 1: I ran someone over!

“Aargh, I’m gonna be late again!” I shouted as I drove my snow-white sports car. It’s a secondhand car I bought ten years ago when I left the countryside to become a cop. Apparently, it’s common knowledge that it’s much too brash for new cops to buy sports cars, but I was living in the sticks so I had no idea. Besides, it was so expensive I had no choice but to keep riding it. I’m a frugal guy after all.

But who the hell cares! I was supposed to track down a serial killer with the team today and yet I totally overslept!

“Come on! Please let me make it in time!”

I’m an adult for god’s sake, I can’t dare be late! I’ll have to skip the police station and just get to the crime scene before the others! I bumped up the speed and then suddenly…

Crash!

“Oh…”

… I felt an impact and saw someone get launched away. I had sent a middle-aged man, who had rushed out of a street corner, flying to the ground.

“Aargh! Why!? I ran someone over again!?” 

I immediately stopped the car and ran over to the man on the ground. Oh no, his clothes are all scraped up and he’s not even moving! I’m definitely not getting out of this one…

“Is he even alive..?”

Then, just as I reached out to check his pulse, I noticed multiple cops running towards me, yelling, “nicely done, inspector Shiraki!”

What… nicely done? Don’t tell me…

“The time is 8:29am. The serial killer who took the lives of ten female students, Butayama Tarou, has been captured! Great work, inspector Shiraki… you’ve done it again…” 

The other cops smiled wryly as we all knew I was going to get scolded again. However, they were by no means mocking me, as I could tell they were all looking at me with respect.

Wait, what!? So he’s the criminal we were chasing!? Nah hold up, don’t look at me like that. I hit him by accident, I didn’t even know it was him! – is what I’d like to say, but there’s no way I’m gonna admit that. 

If I do, worst-case scenario, I’ll be the one getting caught! I mean, this is like the 30th criminal I’ve run over by accident.

…That being the case, I’ll be taking the smart choice and keeping my mouth shut as usual! I waved my snow-white coat (*second-hand) in the air as I stood up and lifted my glasses like a stylish intellectual. 

“Enforcement complete. Come on men, let’s get back to work. There’s always another criminal to take care of,” I said.

“Yes sir!” They said in unison.

…Seems like they were really taken by that cool phrase I just came up with. 

Due to all my previous incidents of running criminals over or misfiring and shooting them, I gained the respect of many people. I began to be called ‘The White Enforcer’ or ‘The Merciless Apostle of Justice’ and ‘The White Hunter’.

Um, guys!? I’m just some loser that’s a little too clumsy! The only reason I came up with this weird character is to make it seem like all my mistakes were on purpose!

So please, don’t respect someone like me!

“…Don’t admire me. I’m just a failure of a cop who can’t solve anything without violence. I’m no different from those criminals we chase every day,” I said.

“We love that humble part of you, inspector Shiraki!” They said in unison, again.

Why do you guys look even more impressed!?

I sighed quietly and got back into my beloved car that’s taken the blood of so many criminals.

Could I even put this car up for sale…?

Author’s note: A word from a car dealer: “Nah, no way man.”
This is a story where Shiraki solves everything with violence! 
He should really just stop driving.

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