Chapter 6: I got interviewed!

One sunny day, I was driving my sports car with a supremely cool expression. Normally, I would be blasting an anime song and singing my lungs out like an idiot, but today’s no normal day. A reporter is sitting on my passenger seat today, camera rolling.

“So inspector Shiraki, what are your thoughts on the current state of Japan?” 

The reporter pointed the mic at me.

That’s right, I’m making my TV debut! It’s this TV programme called ‘Japanese Police: Day in the Life’, and they decided to feature me.

What can I say, I’m kind of a winner at life. I was worried because recording some guy (me) running people over didn’t sound like a good idea, but now that the camera’s rolling, I’m just feeling super hyped! I maintained my supremely cool expression with my gaze fixed forward and replied with a supremely cool voice.

“I’m in love – with this country. People are able to live happily and they support one another in hard times. And so that those people can keep on smiling, I plan to protect this country for as long as I can.”
“That’s… surprising! I was of the opinion that you thought this was a depraved country…”
“Hah, of course, I think the corruption within members of parliament is appalling. Committing crimes with the tax that’s supposed to help the people is simply absurd. However, I will purge every single one of those wretched criminals, because that’s what they are. I love this country and I love the people in it, which is why I vowed to exterminate all evil.”
“Goddamn, you’re so cool! I’m definitely putting that scene right now into the show! The viewing rates will grow so much, no doubt!” The reporter looked incredibly excited.

I shrugged my shoulders as if saying, ‘oh, you.’ I’m taking the, ‘geez, I didn’t say that to please you,’ kind of stance, but really I was totally saying that to please him and make me look cool on TV!!!

Hehe, truth is, it took me three days to think of that speech! I was even thinking about it while driving so I accidentally ran someone over, but they turned out to be someone on the wanted list so it was all good…

And then, just as I was thinking about how nervous I felt at that time, the reporter suddenly shouted, “Look, look up front!”

Hmm? What about the front— aargh, what!? We were about to crash into a black car driving in front of us. Oh no, it’s over! We’re gonna crash!

The reporter and I were assaulted by a strong impact and a booming crash! Fortunately, my sports car is from overseas, so the armouring is excessively thick. Unlike Japanese cars that diminish the impact by caving in, it’s an American car that prioritises just being triumphant through any crash, so it was fine.

… However, the other car was a total tragedy. Since I crashed so hard into their rear, it had skidded across the ground many times over and the people inside had been thrown out.

… Oh, ohhhhh shit! I’ve really done it now! I caused a major incident during my interview!

“Hey, Shiraki, what were you thinking!?”

The reporter was, naturally, panicking. It wasn’t the time to be recording my interview. Ohh… my life is over… I’ve gone too far this time.

Albeit struck with despair, I got out of the car to aid the victims. I approached the people on the ground and… hmm? Do I know these people?

As I wondered if it was one of my relatives, the reporter started panicking again.

“Ah, ahhhh! This person’s Kogane Mitsugu, a member of parliament! And next to him is the leader of the Bear Ass gang! A current member of parliament was driving with a gang leader! This is clearly a show of corruption! Inspector Shiraki, you attacked them because you realised this!? You’re incredible!” The reporter began cheering, throwing his hands in the air. “No wonder they call you ‘The White Enforcer’! The ratings will be incredible, no doubt!”

Hah, hahaha… actually, I have something to admit. But I can’t say it! I can’t say I got into an accident because I was thinking about the last time I got into an accident! It’s too scummy!

Holding back my tears with all my might, I turned to the camera with a smirk and muttered, “Heh, didn’t I tell you? I will purge all evil.” 

Thus, a few days later, the scene where I crashed into the corrupt parliament member’s car was broadcasted all over Japan and the viewing rates had crossed an unprecedented 50%!

That’s just footage of an accident, by the way!

Author’s note: The Shiraki devotees grew in number after his crash was broadcast across the nation…

Translator’s note: This is the latest chapter so far. It was released on the 10th of December last year but the author’s still active, so let’s hope for more!

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